Inspiration: Blue October’s Hate Me

I could have included this in my Music That Makes Me Feel A Little Less Crazy series, but I felt like this one needed a more lengthy explanation.


My mother connected to this song because her father was an alcoholic and she wanted him to say this to her.

I relate to this song because I feel like a waste of space- dealing with multiple autoimmune diseases, PTSD, multiple sclerosis, anxiety and depression. It’s a lot. And I’m alone. And I bring people down and hold others back and push people away because I want them to be happy and I know that with me being the person I am- with all my illnesses- no one could ever be happy with me.

Daddy always said,

“You’re fat, you’re ugly, no one will ever love you”.

And he certainly didn’t lie about that one. Many a men have said it to me since him.

So, I isolate. I don’t want to hurt others or end up putting myself out there and get abandoned all over again.

I go through periods where I don’t pick up the phone. Where I let people down. Cancel plans. Disappear.

Where I die in my bed, even though I’m technically alive.



Tell me how you feel about this song.





(This is a scheduled post. I may not respond for awhile).

3 thoughts on “Inspiration: Blue October’s Hate Me

      1. Oh it doesn’t bother me I’m glad to see others poems or letters out there. It just shows everyone that everyone can be affected at a young age. It surprised me that’s why I posted this.

        Liked by 1 person

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