I could have included this in my Music That Makes Me Feel A Little Less Crazy series, but I felt like this one needed a more lengthy explanation.
My mother connected to this song because her father was an alcoholic and she wanted him to say this to her.
I relate to this song because I feel like a waste of space- dealing with multiple autoimmune diseases, PTSD, multiple sclerosis, anxiety and depression. It’s a lot. And I’m alone. And I bring people down and hold others back and push people away because I want them to be happy and I know that with me being the person I am- with all my illnesses- no one could ever be happy with me.
Daddy always said,
“You’re fat, you’re ugly, no one will ever love you”.
And he certainly didn’t lie about that one. Many a men have said it to me since him.
So, I isolate. I don’t want to hurt others or end up putting myself out there and get abandoned all over again.
I go through periods where I don’t pick up the phone. Where I let people down. Cancel plans. Disappear.
Where I die in my bed, even though I’m technically alive.
Tell me how you feel about this song.
(This is a scheduled post. I may not respond for awhile).