You’re High And I Want Attention, a poem by Drem

You’re High And I Want Attention, a poem by Drem

July 23, 2016

“He was on drugs.

Drug addict, yeah.

I kind of knew it going in, kind of.

He kept it under wraps.

And I was naive enough

and wanted to believe

he wanted me more

than he wanted them.

Even after he slipped me

stuff to make me forget

who I am

for a little bit

without my permission.

Besties with a drug dealer

and besties with a coke addict.

All of his friends are otherwise dead.

Yeah, I should have seen it coming.

He’ll OD soon enough.

They all do,

all my exes.

And they never do wake up.

I’m not cursed, no.

It’s not me that pushes

or enables them.

And they don’t have bad luck.

It’s just- how many times can you

shoot yourself up

before you walk head-first

into the arms of forever sleep?

One, two, twenty times?

Years and years of this and that.

It happens eventually.

I don’t read the obituaries.

I hear it through old friends.

It’s kind of odd to never have to worry

of walking into your past again.

But the thing is,

I walk right into the arms

of another man

who repeats the same things.

And I close my eyes

and dream

that this one will be different.

But I repeat my last relationship

all over again.

I have shitty self-esteem.

And a good-girl image.

I’m like a savior to their mother

and a threat to their dealer.

But ultimately the needles

and the peaches and the fairies

are more attractive than my open heart,

my open mind and open scarred but track-free arms.

It’s not that they’re “bad boys”.

They’re just really lost.

I had a thing for Peter Pan

since I was really young.

They’re emotional and erratic

and hate themselves almost as much

as I hate myself.

We have a lot in common.

We both don’t want to be around.

They just play with substances

while I play with my own blood.

They get high off synthetic shit cooked in kitchens.

I get high off seeing drips of red and attention.

We have a lot in common.

No wonder we always get along.”

(C) Drem 2016

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