Why We Wish We Were Fake- Survivors of Domestic Violence, a poem

Poem about survivors of Domestic Violence (I am one). Inspired by my life and friends’ lives. If you can, give this a read. Tell me what you think. Tell me what you feel.

Funny that I’m writing so many things about my childhood now that it’s birthday season and Seasonal Affective Disorder time.  /-:

xoxo

Drem


Why We Wish We Were Fake- Survivors of Domestic Violence, a poem by Drem

July 1, 2016

 

I miss being controlled.

Depression can do crazy things.

And make you desperate to feel anything,

anything at all.

I’m a twenty something

now on the wrong side of her twenties.

It’s official.

And I don’t love.

I’ve forgotten how, not that I care to remember.

I’m a shell

that’s empty

of everything

other than the scent of sadness,

which I know so sounds cliched, but it’s true…

And bad memories fill me, too.

Memories from a hotel room,

and  memories from hearing glass break

locked in the bathroom.

“You’re safe in here,” she said.

“Call 911 if you hear me scream for help,” she said.

“And you don’t do what he’s doing. That’s not the way to act,” she said.

Well that wasn’t the way to live.

Locked in a bathroom.

A little girl.

Fast forward.

An adult.

Locked in.

Locked herself in her bedroom.

Locked herself in

because she can’t hear the world.

And her mind rips her apart every day

from her past.

And her mind clouds her eyes every day in gray.

I’m that person.

I can’t hear the world no more.

It’s too loud.

And it’s too dangerous

because men live outside

and they aren’t nice.

And they break glass so your feet bleed.

And throw things at you when you sleep.

And put a pillow over your head

so you can’t breathe.

And rip off your clothes when they feel like it.

And I miss certain feelings I had then,

which is really sick shit.

I know that.

But the world is too loud.

And I rather be kept in a box

than have no box at all to be kept in.

It’s too chaotic

and I haven’t the skills to survive out here.

I guess that’s why so many of us

end up on SNAP and welfare.

Or end up in the care of the state.

End up in jail.

Or kill ourselves slowly

with due thanks

to opiates and narcotics

and alcohol and cigarettes

and video games.

Anything is better than here-

an uncontrolled spinning sideways

open gate.

We need to escape the real world

because that world never been kind to us.

And we don’t want to be real.

We want to be fake.

It fake.

My past.

Our past.

That this was all a beta test.

It wasn’t real life.

That these things didn’t happen to us.

No cigarette burns, foster care or forced anal sex.

Be told by God,

“Tomorrow is actually the first day of your life and that life is going to be wonderful. Your life’s going to be wonderful”

(C) 2016 Drem

http://www.ArtOfDrem.com

 

 

 


24 thoughts on “Why We Wish We Were Fake- Survivors of Domestic Violence, a poem

      1. You write what you know, and do it so very well, I read it because it’s you, I comment because I feel, you never need say sorry, least of all to me, that’s a deal, okay?

        Like

      1. You are a very good poetess, I can’t find words to praise u, so I told you exactly how I was feeling… 🙂

        Like

  1. You break my heart. I’m sat here glassy eyed. I hate this but it’s beautiful. I’m angry but touched, truly moved by the horrors.
    Your heart your spirt your mind all of you is far to special to be trapped by these memories and tragedies. I wish you could be free, im angry your not.
    Truly breathtaking.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Well if it means anything I’ve not slept either.
        I don’t like the sadness not in me not in you. It’s not fair. You should be breaking hearts the old fashioned way.
        I still think you’re a remarkable writing and pretty awesome person. But I’m Scottish, our national dish is haggis. Clearly our tastes are questionable.

        Like

      2. Mr. Hamilton, I have never dated a man in my life that has not fallen in love with me. I do break them the old fashion way, on a regular basis. And what’s funny is, I’ve never been in love. They just fall for me. I think it’s because I play a lot of video games and I like science fiction (real science fiction) and I watch the History Channel or NOVA instead of reality tv, aka i like “guy stuff”.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. My my little miss Drem, bragging? 😉 I jest, I don’t doubt you’ve broken a few hearts, most fascinating women have.
        I honestly believe that men fall in love far easier and far quicker but a woman takes much longer but far harder.
        I hear alot that people, mostly women, have never been in love. It makes me question if I actually have, is love rarer and are my feelings an illusion of true love. I’ll have to wait until I trick someone else to date me to find out. Haha!
        Yeah that’s quite the “guy list” but that makes sense common interests, attraction, feelings happen. I’m sure the most important part is the simple fact that you can hold interesting and varied conversation. Challenge a man and he won’t be able to shake you from his lust filled mind. Haha!
        Just had a thought, you have a cat. You must love that furry baby. I’m very sure that someone will sweep you off your feet, when you’re ready. Until then fluffy baby! 😄

        Like

      4. Oh that feline mind control is quite wonderful isn’t it. Ahah😉 I completely agree, I miss having a pet.
        I’m very sure your cat thinks your better than everyone on earth, even if they don’t show it all the time 😄🐱❤

        Liked by 1 person

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