What’s one of our biggest issues, Sexual Assault Survivors?
Questioning If It Was Our Fault
I got really high.
It’s pretty easy and not something I do on purpose.
I’m on 4 mind altering drugs, and that’s not including my narcotics (which cause mood swings), birth control (which can make me moody), cold medicine (tripping), chemo (not fun) and medical marijuana.
So there I was, listening to Lana Del Rey’s song God Knows I Tried and puffing away after a long day of managing my physical pain and depression and taking care of my cat.
Please now listen to the song for full affect:
That’s what I was tripping to.
And when I close my mind, I often make my own music videos.
I was an actress playing a role.
For this one, I performed my own assaults in my mind on purpose.
And something happened. Something really weird happened… I felt sorry for that girl. And I was telling that girl in my music video who is me in my head that it’s okay and it’s not her (my) fault. I’m having a hard to explaining but I think you get the drift.
So that was my breakthrough. I felt sorry for myself and gave pity to myself in this outer body experience and my own heart broke for myself. Instead of feelings of hatred towards me, it was towards love for this poor person who experienced these horrors. My horrors.