Passionless, a poem by Drem

I felt the need to write something. So I’m writing about my week. It’s quite simple and straight forward. At least I’m writing something, though. Right?

Passionless, a poem by Drem

Written March 1, 2016

“And if I say I’m passionless,

that the only sensation of life I feel,

or…

the only reminder that I’m alive

is the soft breeze

against my cheek

giving me chills

that is coming from the slightly open window

you opened

in my bedroom,

a room that is empty

of all but pills and a pillow and you and me,

you just stare.

And I can’t blame you.

If you’ve never felt what I feel…

I wouldn’t know what to say either.

But, I’m passionless.

You know, like, I’m different.

Nothing in particular

is making me feel this way.

Which makes no sense to you, either.

It makes no sense to me.

My mom says

into the telephone

talking to some relative

who I don’t know,

(I don’t really know anyone, including myself)

that because there is no cure

for what I have physically

wrong with me

I get sad.

But, I’m not sad from that.

Multiple Sclerosis sucks but,

I’m not sad from that.

She tells the telephone

that I was taken to some hospital

this past week.

My insurance doesn’t cover

what I need.

I tried to call my doctor

to figure out a solution.

But she has too many patients

to remember my problems

or remember my phone number.

So there I am,

I’m laying on a stretcher

in a hallway

thinking about money

and how long it might take me

to be able to walk again

in the hallway.

Overcrowding sucks

but,

I’m not sad from that.

So much.

So much.

Passionless.

Lackluster.

Eyes that are dull

and too delicate

for the bright sun

and glorious stars.

You don’t know.

I don’t know.

I still can’t get up.

My heart hurts.

Inside

my mind

talks and talks

negative thoughts

overwhelming me.

Drowning me

and bringing me down

metaphorically.

But if I say

that the chemicals in my brain

aren’t functioning

like they are supposed to

you just stare at me.

That’s what makes me sad-

that you and I are so apart

from my depression.

I can’t touch you any more.

I can barely see you even now.

Everything is fading away.

When I lost myself

I lost everyone else.

All I have

is in my bedroom–

pills and a pillow.

You just stare

because you don’t know

I’m there.

You don’t know what to say

because you can’t hear me say

that a little bit of me is still here.”

(c) Drem 2016


3 thoughts on “Passionless, a poem by Drem

  1. This breaks my heart because I understand to some degree. I’ve been battling depression for the last 30 years-on a small scale. I just recently had a baby which took my depression to another level. I’m seeing a counselor for it but I fear I might need to see a Psychiatrist and I’ll be put on meds. It scares me to know end. I’ve lost so much of myself for so many reasons and part of me feels passionless in regards to my hubby. Things are so very differently with me and us and I hate it. The good thing is I’ve been feeling some better and started writing again.

    Liked by 1 person

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