Before when I was going to write about this a few days ago, it turned into an okay poem to my happy amazement.
Now I don’t feel a poem going on.
I’m quite tired. It’s past 1AM.
I’m at a point where I feel no motivation to keep going. Maybe I need a day off. But I have been taking days off. My viewership is down because of it. And that makes me worried. I need to engage with my readers. My blog is like a job for me. I also want to stay relevant.
It’ just- things have been hectic in my personal life. Things have been stressing me out in my personal life. Dealing with real life people is difficult for me, because it ultimately leads to some sort of conflict at one point or another. I’m a very delicate person who is already in a constant fluctuating state of anxiety and/or depression, so to add anything else to the top of my already full coffee cup makes me spill all over myself and the tablecloth gets stained and the carpet too and I need to run to get out the coffee but I am the coffee so I don’t know what the fuck to do.
I don’t know what to do and my eyes are so heavy all the time. It’s hard to stay focused. Right now I am writing with my eyes closed. There are probably a ton of typos. I am being completely serious. I’ve been on the computer since I was very young. I had my first website at 9. So, I don’t need to look down to write. So my eyes are closed and I’m doing this and I just want to go to bed and I want to complain but I’m too tired to. I also feel selfish when I complain. I also have scary dreams and don’t want to sleep. I rather stay here, yet I have nothing substantial to say.
I don’t like people who just speak to speak. I try to always have a point. Some sort of substance. Not feeling that I can produce it right now.
We shall see in the coming days.
Featured image by Joanne Young.