(Reblog) How reading different blogs will get you laid. A Guide (sort of)

Firstly, I realize that this is not the theme of my blog (I write trauma poetry, talk about chronic physical and mental illnesses, other depressing things, and my cat), BUT THIS IS FUCKING ON POINT AND FUNNY.


So far as I’ve been sifting through this blogging platform one thing have become quite clear: There are a lot of talented people here that you can learn from daily.

Here is an example of how reading through blogs can better improve a guy’s sex life.


You have just met a fine ass babe (like her butt and her entirety is awesome). Your first date you met at a café, yeah cliché, but whatever, you hit it off and you have a date set up for the weekend.

You text her, “Hey, lets do dinner at my place. I’ll cook you up something savory.”

A note for the side: Notice you said, “Lets do dinner at my place” and not “Do you want to do dinner at my place.” You are not asking her, you are taking the choice away from her. Besides, women hate making decisions on what to do or where to go on dates anyway. Note also you said, “cook you” not “cook us” something. You are making her feel special here. Girls love to feel special, and although subtle, subconsciously she hears “special, special, special, oh my, he thinks I’m special.” You also use the word ‘savory’ and not ‘delicious’ because savory will relate to her sense of smell and taste. Delicious is just too fucking vague. If you have ever read a good cooking blog, you would notice that they hardly use the word delicious, they use words that tap into your senses.

She responds 15 or so minutes later, because that’s what chicks do man, they don’t respond right away. They confer with friends, make you wait, shit like that, but she respond’s “sounds cool.” Of course not sounding too excited, but she is, women think men who cook are sexy.

You respond half and hour later with “ Cool see you at 7. Saturday. (We discussed the not asking above didn’t we?).

You get the logistics out the way and you get down to business.

You remember she is vegetarian from the conversation at the café because you listened. I hope you did because if you made a steak instead, have fun jacking off the rest of the night. Women pay attention to little things like that, and so should you, so listen. And you listened, and now you are in your Reader typing in “Vegetarian Blog” in the “Follow a Tag.” Boom recipe heaven. You are almost in there.

Now, you may face a little dilemma if you are not vegetarian, but it is not a big deal. You really can’t go wrong. If you decided to make your own meaty goodness, she may look at you crossed eyed at first, but just say “I like meat” like a Neanderthal. She will giggle and value your convictions. Women like men that stand by their convictions. Heck people like people that stand by their convictions. She may also think what care you took in preparing for the date by making two meals. You seem caring will make her feel comfortable, and that is what you want. You are almost there.

If you decided to go veggie that can obviously go well too. Me personally I will go veggie that night, I refuse to let a slab of meat screw me out of getting laid.

Now it is time for you to be interesting.

Remember that I said the most important thing to getting laid is to listen. Listen, nothing pisses a woman off more than a man she is with not listening or did not listen to what she is saying or said. Look her in the eyes and pay attention to what she says, pay particular attention to something that she is saying that lights her eyes up and brings a genuine happiness over her. This usually happens when a woman is talking about a hobby of hers she thoroughly enjoys. For example at the café she mentioned how she loves photography and even named some of her favorite photographers.

So what do you do? You go to your Reader and you type in “Photography” and you read up on angles and perspective and aperture and lenses and depth and so on. This serves two purposes: The first is you will go out and take some photos the best you can that mimics some of her favorite photographers. You will print them, take mom down off your wall and decorate your wall with your Robert Frank wannabes. The second purpose it serves is that you will have something to talk about at dinner. What the fuck you just thought “I like meat” will get you laid. Remember this babe is hot in her entirety. So you could say, “Hey you see that, I was going for the Lachappelle look there.” Points, almost there.

You also listened to what sort of music she likes and you have it playing in the background. You also listen to what sort of authors she likes. You have printed out one of the author’s quote, placed it in a cheap frame and have it somewhere she could see it.

Your attire.

You want to be comfortable in your own home, she may dress up, because of the possibility that you may head out for a drink at a bar or something, but you should be comfortable. Do not wear sweats, and it’s your home, do not wear a fucking suit, you’ll look like an idiot. Personally if I was a woman and I went by a man place for dinner, I’m thinking Patrick fucking Bateman if he opens the door in a 3-piece. I’m hightailing my ass and my vagina out of there. But guess what there are fashion blogs on this platform.

Your home.

Your home is you. It is your sanctuary. You have made some slight changes to it to what you may think is to impress her. It’s not to impress her. If you go too over the top with a woman, she will think her status is above you and keep her holy grail away from you. You made slight changes to make her comfortable. Listening and making her comfortable is the recipe for getting laid. So your home should be clean, clean, clean, you have toilet paper, the bathroom is clean, God please clean the bathroom, you have clean towels, the garbage is out, you have swept the floor, and you organized somewhat. Remember I mentioned Patrick Bateman, yeah you don’t want sanitized hospital clean, that will make her feel cold and closed up. You want her warm, comfortable and open. But guess what there are home design blogs on this platform.


Continue reading at: How reading different blogs will get you laid. A Guide (sort of)

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