Sitting here in bed.
I finally read my test results.
I’d upload a photo of my brain but looking at it myself makes me depressed. I didn’t look at my spinal chord. That’s for another time.
My multiple sclerosis has progressed.
The treatment didn’t prevent new lesions.
Now, to be fair, the treatment just promised slower progression.
But, progression is progression.
And looking at my brain look the way it does makes me sad….
I have always had self-esteem problems. Well, since I was 10. I hide it fairly well with friends. But when I look in the mirror by myself, I hate what I see. No matter what I weigh. How clear or blotchy my skin is. I even see scars that aren’t there. I see myself negatively. Nothing helps. I’ve sought “treatment” for nearly 15 years now and it’s only gotten worse with time.
The one thing I always had was my brain. People thought I was smart. I excelled academically. I won awards, even one from a USA president.
Now, losing my mind- well it’s all I had that I wasn’t ashamed of.
…. in other news, I’m going on a date tomorrow. That’s nice! I took a bunch of pills to help my anxiety and extra depression. Maybe I’ll wake up for it.
ing to sleep.
I would post more but I’m too drowsy.