If Breathing Was A Choice (Part 1), by Drem

I was born in chronic pain. I was born with illness. I’m not saying I’m upset I was born. But I get really frustrated that I’m this way. And I get annoyed that people pity the martyr who is the caretaker- but she made the decision to have me. I had no choice in the matter. This is about trying to sort out those feelings in my head.

If Breathing Was A Choice (Part 1), by Drem

Written April 13, 2011 & Rewritten Dec. 24, 2015

 

“You knew it going in

that chances were…

at least you knew it

at some level…

But you did it anyway.

And I’m in pain every day

from breathing.

My ribs,

they’re inflamed.

And my eyes

get dry

because I have no tears.

What I’m saying is,

though I’m guilty

for being angry,

I get mad when they say

in front of me

that they pity

the person

who put me here.

And I’m sorry

I’m not better at producing

lines

and I’m not better at

containing my frustration.

I’m just trapped

in this body

that’s wrong

and my heart aches

for someone

and that someone

never comes

because I’m here

in this state

with insides that match my outsides.

And you put me here.

And I get flashes

of dreams

sent down

from the sky

when I close my almond shaped eyes

Just dreams.

But in any case,

I’m a doer,

not a dreamer

and my presence

is not going to be blown out

by the wind.

I’m stuck to the floor

chained

to a couch

with a laptop as my window

to the world, and myself.

Who I identify with

is not even real.

So in this box,

I’m locked.

It’s understandable.

If I could

I wouldn’t cry for you.

You brought me here.

I’d cry for the little girl

with no choices

but to turn to you

and who fights with herself

in her head

every moment

because she hates

all the joint pain,

and swelling,

and pills,

and couches,

and sunlight.

Stiffening, tingling, numbing, narcotics,

and the rest of the parts

that make herself, her.

That make me, me.”

(c) Drem 2015

of ArtOfDrem.com


15 thoughts on “If Breathing Was A Choice (Part 1), by Drem

      1. No I didn’t. I’ll try reading it. But what perplexes me is the thought of dreaming about poems. I was having a headache and I was typing a poem (on my headache:P) and half way through I was asleep. It was so weird to be sleeping, half sleeping and wide awake. And it was that poem that connected all three phases.

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