Tell Nobody, He Said- a poem by Drem

I originally wrote this in 2012. I’m rewriting it as I go now to make it a bit more… hmmm… I don’t know.  Maybe more off-centered rhymes (I just learned what this was this month. I didn’t know I do that sometimes). We’ll see what happens. I don’t know. It may seem more fragmented. It was all over the place to begin with.

 

Tell Nobody, He Said- a poem by Drem

Originally Written 2012 & Rewritten December 22, 2015

 

“Coming off

a couple of narcotics

taste purple.

The sharpness-

stuck in my throat.

I need water.

No, stop it!

Get out of my head!

Get out of my dreams!

Get out of my bed!

You’re not talking to me-

You’re not even here.

I’m upset over nothing.

It doesn’t make sense.

I can’t feel

because I’m not real

most of the time

from the pills

I take

to get by.

They make me a little invisible.

And he told me,

they all told me,

I’m nothing.

A little invisible.

Since grade school-

same bullshit.

Nobody’s waiting for me

at the gate

near the tree.

No boy is waiting

for me.

But I knew that note

was a joke.

I knew I was the joke.

Still, it tricked me

just enough

that the smack back

to reality

hurt

and crushed my heart

just enough

that I felt it beat

for the first time

in a long time.

I look in the mirror

and see things on my face

that aren’t even there.

My head hurts

because I’m coming off

some stuff

and I haven’t slept

because I’m afraid of dreams.

The waves hit me

again and again.

They’re you.

I’ve never liked the ocean

and I’ve never liked me.

I can’t worship anything.

I’m too weak

to be of service.

My own selfishness is cutting me up.

I’m a complication,

a hiccup,

a cancellation

waiting to happen.

No boy can love me.

That’s the big secret.

More importantly, I can’t love me.

And I’ve always known it.

He told me

when I was 10 years old.

It started.

I started hating me

for what the men did to me.

When I close my eyes

I hear bad things

and see their faces.

When I look in the mirror

I see them behind me

and I hear echoes

of what they said to me.

“Shh, shh, tell nobody.”

I’m still telling nobody

and I’m a twenty-something silently hurting

that’s still a little invisible

taking pills to keep it so

and haunted by

what is no longer there physically.

But the mind can play games

and is the best VCR ever.

So even though I’m not really here any more

and you are long gone

we are both still in this bed

and I still fear everything

but death.

That would make us both go away.”

(c) Drem of ArtOfDrem.com  2015

Featured Image: Found on Google Images. Fine art print by mixed media artist, Christa Krais. Original is chalk and pencil on black art paper.


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