Beige Shadow, a poem by Drem

This was originally called Happy The Way I Am. I changed it to Beige Shadow. I wrote this 2 years ago. Little Drem ❤

I know a lot of the tags I’m using for this one are opposites- like happiness and loneliness. That’s because the attitude of the subject changes and in the end, though it’s a decision to stay invisible, it’s still her own decision. She refuses to be viewed through anyone else. And also, in the process, to even view herself. But it’s her decision because she’s happy the way she is, thus the original title.

If you find it interesting, let me know.

 

xoxo

Beige Shadow, a poem by Drem

October 8, 2013

“Make me think I’m something

special.

Or anything

different

from what I see

when I show up late.

All eyes go through me

as I enter the ballroom

and head towards the gallery

in my black suit jacket

and black patent leather clogs,

and beige stocking,

beige smile,

handbag from the closeout mall.

Shh, no one can see me

after a minute or two.

Watch.

I’ll blend into the walls

and the ceiling.

Shh, no one can see me.

Not even me.

You know, I like it this way.

Truthfully, I like it this way.

The idea of change

keeps me awake.

Anxiety, nervousness, excitement-

I can’t remember the difference.

I can’t remember

which hand

I tell time with.

All I know is

I am too aware

of stock markets,

big business

and my self worth

is so little

nobody can see it.

Not even you.

Don’t lie.

Walking silently, the shadow

of me drifts through the ballroom.

This existence

with this mindset

makes me feel safe

because I’ve been this shadow

for so damn long.

Being anything more scares me.

Don’t make me think

I’m anything special

or different.

Because I’m not.

I’d be living your lie

and I’d be

seeing the world

through your rosy eyes.

Shh, no one can see me.

And I like it.

I can’t even see myself,

and I like it.

Now if I hold my arms up

above my head

and hold my breath

I start to lose feeling.

I can’t feel your eyes

go through me.

I can’t see

or feel anything.

It’s just how I like it.


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