Pushing My Pen To Make My Rhythm, a poem by Drem

This was originally called Before Bed Thought. Let me know if you find it interesting. I’m kind of in a daze at the moment so it’s making little sense to me.

Pushing My Pen To Make My Rhythm, a poem by Drem

October 10, 2013

“Pushing my mind

in a direction.

Hitting the objective

to think of stuff

I did wrong

when you liked it.

It needs to be done

before I forget it.

So I’m pushing my pen

on this very white page,

with black lines

that act as break times,

to breathe

in rhythm

to the heartbeat

I create

with the words

I’m writing.

I can’t see straight,

not that that matters.

I’m on shit,

not like you can tell.

I’m saying stuff

that bleeds through me.

I’m water

dyed red

from watercolor paint.

But my tears

are clear,

not even affected by the black ink

I use on this very white page.

If all I did

was simply exist

i’d be a waste

of space.

So that’s why I

don’t want to exist.

I’m too tired to wait

for some turn around

to lift me up

and get me out

of the thoughts I’m thinking…

like the stuff I’m saying,

when I write it all down.

It’s sad,

a little bit

and it makes me sleepy

and overprotective of my pens.

Though each night

I fight

against my head

that holds

my bad dreams,

my bad thoughts,

my self-esteem,

I try to push myself

in a different direction.

And each night

when I lay awake,

when my eyes hurt,

and head aches,

I fail to be objective.

I stay locked

in this cold metal cage,

stuck crouched down,

head sideways

against the cool metal gates

trapped in my own head

with only my pen

to hold myself in place…

in any reality of space.

You know, i’m holding the keys

to my freedom

in my own damn bound hands


13 thoughts on “Pushing My Pen To Make My Rhythm, a poem by Drem

    1. That’s good! Yeah now I re-read it. Still haven’t slept. But now I’m reading that it’s actually about me trying to write positive work or be more positive within myself and I can’t. Did you get that from it? Just curious.
      We just write differently! There’s nothing wrong with that! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I have the same problem, I can not sleep. I only just started this writing thing. I am also a negative thinker about everything. I always seem to see only the worst, especially in myself. Therapists and meds, do not work for me. Maybe I need the right combination of the two, but I really don’t like having to take medicine. It must be some inner part of me, that is wired wrong. I know am looking for answers that can’t get. It is easy for them to tell you to change and do this and that, but it doesn’t work for me. I feel like a part of me is blocked or closed and can’t be opened.If I could open that part, then I would be ok. I don’t know if that makes sense

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      2. You’re right about that. Some of them seem to be as bad off as I am. I had one that was really belligerent. I think she hated men, The one I have now, is way too young, and the psychiatrist just gives me the pills and sees me for five minutes. My insurance only covers certain places. I went to one and they drug tested me, which I did not like the idea of them doing, because the other ones didn’t. I left that one and now this one I am at did the same thing. I feel like I am guilty of something I am not doing, they are making assumptions. Some of the thing s my therapist says I have to take with a grain of salt, she is not experienced enough. I don’t know who or what can help me get out of this hole. I have to read more of your blogs.Everything I am writing on here, I wrote before and am just putting that on. I am also working on other stuff, but want to get the old on first. Thanks for talking, I feel good knowing I am not alone.

        Liked by 1 person


      3. And yeah the place they drug tested me, I let them do it. Of course everything came back negative. And then I yelled at them saying I'm not in prison or on parole or in Nazi Germany so I have rights NOT to be forced to give my blood to seek treatment when I have no prior record of abuse. I left that place and never looked back.
        My insurance sucks for where I live but it's good for specialists in the city so it's kind of worth it.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. I felt exactly the same way. The thing is going to have a blood test is costing my insurance, and from my understanding I am only allowed so many, so what happens when I need more, plus I had to go out of my way to go do it. I am basically a person with no income, so all of that driving around is expensive. Of course mine came out negative too. I think that all these drug tests are just ways to make money. It is a multi-billion dollar industry. I hate needles and the sight of blood, so for me it is even more stressful and causes me more anxiety.

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      1. In my place it’s because we have so many junkies and overdoses. It’s an epidemic. So they want to make sure we aren’t using and mixing or selling. BUT since I have none of that in my history I feel it’s against my rights.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That’s my situation as well.I don’t even have a traffic ticket..I understand why they are doing it, but testing people only drives them away. Where exactly are you if you don’t mind me asking? I mean what state?

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  1. God Drem, you write just so beautifully. You are my favorite WordPress poet bar none. You resonate with me, like collective unconsciousness or something. Thank you. Jx

    Like

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