I Told You I Didn’t Want To Wake Up Here, a poem by Drem

Sad poem. But, I love it. Living with chronic pain is hard. Sometimes it’s really hard to lift my head off the pillow. My body hurts too much. This is about those times.

I Told You I Didn’t Want To Wake Up Here, a poem by Drem

October 2015

“Getting up,

lifting up

my eyelids,

they’re too much.

Too heavy.

Me,

my body,

the weight

of my hands

and my head,

it’s too much,

it’s too heavy,

to get out of bed.

I’m getting up,

I promise.

But, I don’t want

to be

here.

Awaken where

I dreamed

only bad dreams.

And there’s no end

to end me

that I see

coming to quietly

turn me off

to make me

weightless

and painless.

To pull me out of this hell

to another

bed.

Wherever I might awaken

makes the risk

worth it.

I don’t ask questions

or wonder why

I am in this body.

I don’t ask

why I

exist-

to only take up space

and use credit cards,

and waste

paper,

and plastic,

and other resources

to the point

of ridiculousness.

I don’t ponder

because thinking

tends to get me nowhere.

No change

comes

when I go through

the gates

of one life stage

to another.

My heart doesn’t change

color.

It’s just as stupid as before.

And relief doesn’t come

when I tell him

to close the door

and come close,

to whisper me how I feel.

There’s a pattern

that I recognize

and this body of mine

isn’t worth it

and refuses to function.

So I sit

and I wait

with flashes

of sharp objects

blinking like neon signs

in my mind

telling me to go get them.

I said already,

I didn’t want to

wake up here.


4 thoughts on “I Told You I Didn’t Want To Wake Up Here, a poem by Drem

  1. This poem made me feel because I know that feeling of not wanting to get up and just give up.
    Asking why we have the bodies we do is just useless because it will not change the fact we have these problems and everything that goes with it. What we can change is how the bad that we experience emotionally, mentally, and physically effects us.
    But we do because there is always something new to find. There is always someone willing to help us find the light and pushes us when we cannot stand to push ourselves. But I am here for you. You know I am just a phone call away and 15 minutes away.

    “When you have hope and believe in tomorrow, the darkness feeds off of sadness and fear. So, with those, you starve it.” – Unknown 1845(?)

    Liked by 3 people

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