Manifesting Out Of The Mind- Painful Depression & Anxiety, blog by Drem

This is 4-5 hours late. I woke up with morning anxiety. Had to deal with that.

I wake up. In my room. Under the covers. Kicked off my socks while I was sleeping. Spa music on in the background. Everything is normal.

Then, I open my eyes.

Then, a light of painful darkness runs down my whole body. I’m flooded with depression and anxiety. It’s painful.

It’s fucking painful.

Painful depression.

Irrational anxiety.

It’s all in me and I can’t get out.

 

I lay there. I close my eyes trying to escape. It doesn’t work. I still feel it.

I would go for an “emergency” low dose of a benzoid. But, my body still lays still in so much pain. Even now, hours later, I feel it.

I’m not fucking around here. I’m being honest.

 

Emotions Can Cause Physical Pain

I know a lot about physical pain. Read one of my poems. I live in chronic pain from a diagnosed incurable illness. Chemo and narcotics are my friends. *looks over to medicine bag* Sup, cuties? (-;

But, a lot of people don’t understand that depression and anxiety, whether caused by one or several traumatic events (PTSD, anyone?), an illness, or chemical imbalance, etc. can manifest itself out of the mind into the rest of the body.

I realize my muscles get really tense. I try to quiet them. They won’t.

There’s a tightness in my chest.

There’s an usual ache in my arms and in my legs. A weakness.

My stomach hurts a little.

I just woke up. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?

 

I spoke to my doctor and he said something like– when you wake up you’re flooded with a bunch of signals and hormones. And your brain, special girl, can’t manage them.

Is this bullshit? I don’t know. But he’s right about one thing. Something is going on that I can’t manage when I wake up and for no apparent reason I’m thrown into the depths of painful anxiety and depression right in my own safe bed.


16 thoughts on “Manifesting Out Of The Mind- Painful Depression & Anxiety, blog by Drem

  1. That’s what sucks about having what we have. Physical pain from what we have which studies show that people like us have anxiety problems and it doesn’t help that chemo drugs get us depressed and because of illnesses that cause us depression anyway (YAY AUTOIMMUNE DISEASES) and all of that causes more fucking pain. It’s like an out of control tilt-a-whirl.

    But I know what you are going through, even if we go through it for different reasons. It’s is a miracle that we can get out of bed some days.

    Like

    1. /has not gotten out of bed.

      I’m sorry about flaking again. Like I wrote, I woke up awhile ago and had to deal with this shit.

      I think it’s time to take something for some happy side affects. What else can I do? I still fucking hurt. Maybe it’s the crashing that’s killing me over here.

      Like

      1. I said don’t worry about it. I would rather you get sleep and be able to function than me be there and you are falling face forward because you are tired. If I did that, It would be greedy and selfish of me. I’m not that kind of man. I care for you and besides there are other days.

        Like

      2. It is very important. Sometimes I wonder why. But I usually find something that makes want to believe again and again.

        Like

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