Blacking Out Again, a blog post by Drem

I can’t remember the past 24 hours.

Mom said this means I’m getting sick again.

She mentioned things that happened and I was able to remember them, but I didn’t know where they fit in the timeline of my life.

I feel separate from time.


I remember my name.

I remember my cat’s name.

I just can’t remember the events.


I didn’t do anything to bring this on.

It’s called Multiple Sclerosis.

It’s called Brain Inflammation.

It’s called Cog Fog.

It’s called Chemo Brain.


My head hurts, but I think that’s unrelated. My eyes are stinging. That’s probably related. Fuck you, optic neuritis.


I’m trying to gather my thoughts together. A part of me is trying to sequence them. The other is afraid to. What if bad things happened? I don’t want to remember those bad things. Maybe I’ll just float around here. Float around there. Float around anywhere but in my head where it hurts and is more empty than usual.

10 thoughts on “Blacking Out Again, a blog post by Drem

  1. We are all there for you from all over the world. Have faith in that and keep going. Try to look at the positive and forget that youve forgotten stuff. Read the Last Lecture if you could.


    1. It’s not that I don’t look at the “positives” in my daily life. I use this blog to write the dark stuff, so i can empty it out of me and get rid of it the best I can. And, other people who go through what I do know they aren’t alone in their pain. That is my goal.
      If I was constantly gloomy, I would never get anything done and not be as successful as I am in my professional and academic life.

      Thank you for being there for me.

      I might get that book. I’ll see if it comes in large print.

      Liked by 1 person

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