I can’t remember the past 24 hours.
Mom said this means I’m getting sick again.
She mentioned things that happened and I was able to remember them, but I didn’t know where they fit in the timeline of my life.
I feel separate from time.
I remember my name.
I remember my cat’s name.
I just can’t remember the events.
I didn’t do anything to bring this on.
It’s called Multiple Sclerosis.
It’s called Brain Inflammation.
It’s called Cog Fog.
It’s called Chemo Brain.
My head hurts, but I think that’s unrelated. My eyes are stinging. That’s probably related. Fuck you, optic neuritis.
I’m trying to gather my thoughts together. A part of me is trying to sequence them. The other is afraid to. What if bad things happened? I don’t want to remember those bad things. Maybe I’ll just float around here. Float around there. Float around anywhere but in my head where it hurts and is more empty than usual.