Monotony- Trapped In The House & Trapped In The Mind, by Drem (blog post)

I’m laying here in bed. Cat is sleeping downstairs. The TV was making too much noise. He has very delicate selective hearing.  I fucking hate holiday television. Maybe he does too. My medicine made my stomach hurt and now I’m getting warm and clammy. Nothing is going right.

It’s near 4AM. I’m thinking about tomorrow, I mean today.Thinking about going to the game store to see the owner who messages me sometimes. Thinking about getting some nerd convention (Star Trek and Star Gate) tickets. Wait, I have no money. Thinking about traveling to New Orleans. Wait, I have no money. Thinking about dating. Thinking about what I want. Thinking about escaping my mind.

Thinking about escaping my mind. It’s been weeks since I’ve really gone out. Comes and goes since August. But what I’ve been feeling has been fairly consistent for longer than usual. If it’s not the physical pain I’m plagued with, it’s hopelessness that has cause but, even so, is annoying. And if it’s not either of those, it’s the arguing that ensues growing the rift between me and the person I live with who doesn’t understand chronic pain or anything else I’m going through no matter how hard I try to explain.

Nothing I was thinking about doing tomorrow is going to happen. I’m going to be safe and stay right where I am. And the person I live with will complain that I’m lazy. I’ll forget what day it is. I won’t keep track of the time. My morning is my night. This is my life. I might not be okay with it, but it’s what I have to deal with and I’m too damn tired and weak to change myself.

 

xoxo

Drem

 


20 thoughts on “Monotony- Trapped In The House & Trapped In The Mind, by Drem (blog post)

  1. I am here for you. I understand the chronic pain you are in, to a lesser degree but I understand it. There is a lot going on and a lot you have to deal with. You can text me/ call when you need to. You know I try to lift the spirits of those around me and I’m not about to give up on a friend in need. I am here for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I like tea! And, who knows. I may come to Australia one day when I win the lottery or get hit by a cab and survive and sue the motherfuckers.

      Funny story- I once got hit by a cab, cursed out the driver (“you mutha effin mutha fucka what the hell is wrong wit u!”), banged the front of the car as hard as I could with my fists, and then walked away like nothing happened. Had to get to class. lols. When I told my mother, she almost fainted.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Good lord. That’s full on. You’re a tough lot over there! I think an Aussie would probably pick themselves up, dust themselves off and say, “Sorry mate, my mistake.” Then they’d wander off who knows where…

        Like

    2. Also, I’m going to share with you some of my photography for input once you respond. No pressure. I’m sure you are very busy. I don’t know what time it is where you are. I don’t mean to pester you.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Dear Paully, thank you ever so much for the compliment. I do hope, however, that you are not experiencing what I am. If you are, know you are not alone. I’m here too. And I’m listening (:

      Liked by 1 person

  2. My husband lives with chronic pain…sometimes he’s ‘grumpy’ in the morning especially. He’s just got a referral to a pain clinic. ..but he’s “not going to take any heavy drugs’, meaning morphine for fear of turning into a junky. I don’t know what he expects…but they are going to give him an epidural and pump steroids into his spine… Thank you for this poem. As much for me with my depression but also for raising my awareness of him. Jx

    Liked by 1 person

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