Trying to hold on to a piece of anonymity is causing me to not publish a piece of writing, even though I think the piece is quite interesting. Unfortunately it delves too much into my life.
I totally get that, if you’ve glanced at my page, you’re thinking– Drem, why do you have your photo up if you want to be anonymous? A picture doesn’t directly link me to my professional/personal life (not that there is much to hide that’s interesting) via quick search. I just, really really like my hair! Haha! It’s cool, right? I’m in love with it. Perhaps that will be the death of me. It’s lovely blueness and lavenderness (I think I made up that word).
Bits of things I’m thinking:
- I’m feeling melancholy. But I think I know why. I have to keep reminding myself that
my dreams aren’t real.
- I’m not going to feel sad that I feel sad all the time. I need to keep reminding myself that more often than not I have just cause. That cause is exposed in my works. If you were me, you’d be sad sometimes too. Sadness is a normal, natural emotion. Not being ever sad is unhealthy.
- When I see my reflection I see a mess. My mom said my nose looks smaller with blue hair. I haven’t noticed.
- With each passing day I’m reminded how much I was able to change for the better and let go of the old me by looking at my closet (lots of Deadpool t-shirts) and basement (bunch of science fiction ship art, looking at you Serenity). Those are just materialistic items. But they’re mine. And they are different. Because I’m different. And I’m better. I have choices.
- There were so many routes I could have taken and could still take. It’s so overwhelming. I wish I was already settled and all this nonsense of having choices with was over. I’m ready to be old.
- I realize that I was just happy to have choices, and now I’m overwhelmed by having choices. Welcome to an over-anxious mind ❤