Can’t Hold My Hand, a poem by Drem

 

imageedit_1_2356992248I’m moving forward from my past. I don’t miss my past at all. And that’s all that matters… I have faith in myself.

The following is a poem I hold dear and I was criticized by my poetry advisor that this poem is too simple. I think sometimes expressing complex emotions in the most simplest of terms in a feat in itself.

When I was receiving my highest award for my poetry way back when, the speaker said the hardest thing for young people to do is drown out the noise of the whole world, find who you are in yourself, and put it to paper. Perhaps I’m being cocky. But, I defended my work based on that. I drowned out my word. I expressed what I needed to express. I put myself to paper. This is who I am.

And this story, unlike 99% of my work, shows I have faith in myself. I’m a survivor. And you know what? The fact that I continue to wake up each day no matter how much pain I’m in from my chemo, I get UP. I go ON.


 

Can’t Hold My Hand, a poem by Drem

May 17, 2015

“I’m not angry at him.

My brain’s inability to remember

anything really

from this MS multiple sclerosis

finally is working in my favor, finally

a plus for having a dying zombie brain!

Still, I’m running.

I’m running so fast from everything

that hurt me,

that still remains fragmented in my memory

 from him.

But nobody’s at the finish line waiting.

The unrequited love I’m living now post-breakup

reminds me of high school.

I’m 23 and living it all over again.

Pathetic.

I’m 23 and don’t know who I am.

I’ve regressed.

What path my bare feet can walk on, can handle—

I don’t know, and I don’t care.

I think these toxic pills are my only real friends.

But they can’t hold my hand.

Nobody’s around to.

And this loneliness is killing me.

I go aimlessly around hoping I stumble onto my own fate

and the meaning of the whole universe

and who I’m meant to be.

But,

this loneliness is killing me.

Not making my angry,

just stabbing my insides

and making my eyes dull

and now I stare blankly

or deeply

into nothing but air.

It hurts me

all over.

Hurts more than what I black out,

what I black out that he did to me.

All those months of suffering

under his suffocating mouth

and hands.

But you need to realize something.

I don’t, at all, miss him.

I’m moving so fast, thank God, forward.

I’m moving forward.

But to no one

and nothing.

Nothing and no one wants me.

This loneliness is killing me.

This is the price I guess

I must pay for my freedom.

Being alone.

No backup.

Walking alone.

No friends.

Hard to make at my age.

I’m alone.

I’m afraid of the dark, you know.

So sleep next to me please,

if you’re listening.

I’m afraid to die alone,

so be next to me, please, when the time comes,

if you’re listening.

Love me as much as you can.

Please just see me.

Because I can’t see myself sometimes anymore really.

Tell me I’m beautiful

hold my hand

and tell me who I am.

Close the void that’s been building for months

and months

before it ended.

A black hole of loneliness

consumes every inch and builds more and more

upon my body

sucking in any hopes I have.

But know, I don’t miss him

at all.

Know I’m moving forward

against all odds.

And I’m trying to build support

and make friends

and fall in love

with someone who deserves all I have to give.

In the mean time,

the loneliness is my other best friend…

but it too can’t hold my hand.”


10 thoughts on “Can’t Hold My Hand, a poem by Drem

    1. Jumiere, I want you to know that you have brought unimaginable happiness with your comment just now. I am going through a lot right now and to know someone is listening brings such joy to my heart. Please if you have time, if you ever read another one of my works let me know you are listening. If you find it interesting, like any part, or are moved in any way, even if just one line, let me know someone is there listening.

      xoxo
      Drem
      http://www.ArtofDrem.WordPress.com

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I will read dear we all have stories i think i can relate to how you feel i am also going through alot now thats why i started a blog to write my pains out just know someone is listening to you always ❤️❤️❤️

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Sabiscuit, again another person in one morning who gives me the strength to keep going. You inspire me. Thank you. Your words mean more than all the stars in the sky to me. I am not alone.

      If you ever stumble upon another of my works and it at all interests you, let me know you are there to remind me. I appreciate your work. I am following your blog now. Excellent from what I read so far!

      xoxo
      Drem

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Same to you Sabiscuit. Warm hugs as well! It’s certainly getting chilly here lol. Winter, oh goodness. What I would do for Spring or Summer weather!
        Love from the East Coast ❤
        xoxo

        Like

    1. You have read my others? xD YAY!!!! Thank you for appreciating this one. Yes, it is definitely different. And at the time, I took a lot of slack because of it. Actually, a lot of my work wasn’t liked by the elders because I was going through a “simple” period. Thank you so, so, so much for the encouragement. I just woke up and reading this starts me off with a smile thanks to you!

      Like

Share Your Thoughts

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s